Finding Healing in the Midst of Bitterness 

The other day as I listened to a sermon the words jumped out to me: “It is when you are getting close to God coming through that we turn the other direction.”

Heard these words preached, posted on social media, in writings, and in songs more times then I can remember. But this time the words had my attention like never before. 
See God has had me in some really hard places over the last four years. So much pain came from those years. I desperately long to be healed of the pain. But more than not I find myself in anger over the time I lost. 
If those four years had not happened I would be:
-Employed with benefits. 

-Going into my third year of my Masters, which I just might have been in my last year. 

-Able to take vacations. 

-Have a savings.

-Out of debt. 

But instead the opposite of everything I listed above is what is currently going on plus more.
Therefore, in order to break down the bitterness of what has been taken from me the Spirit finds ways to lead me into deep reflection for healing and to let go. 
I sit here now full of Jesus on the inside but empty in my surroundings. I wonder does Jesus really hear my prayers? Does He really see what I am going through? Am I that bad of a person that I made so many wrong choices to be where I am today? For the one that stands and boost how great their life is with little blemishes in their years, are they better than me to have not seen the life I have? 
One thing God has shown me is the things that I prayed for others He answered. Not only did He answer the prayer He used me to help the answer prayer come about. 
That sounds heavenly doesn’t it? I should feel some type of awe. But I don’t. Instead I say, “Lord, did you see how they person persecuted me? Remember Lord when they did . . . Because I do. Lord, do you not remember how they slandered me? Lord, do you remember when I could not get out of bed because the oppression weighted me down too much and they skipped with smiles living their life in my face?” His response is, “Wendy, I answered your prayer on their life.”
I just stopped pleading my case and just started repeating what He said…I answered your prayer on their life. 
Tonight as I am cleaning out drawers I came across this prayer spiral. I had committed a certain time to pray for specific things for certain people and places. 
When I first came across it I was like I am not even going to read that. But I found myself opening it up to see what I prayed for excepting to see how my prayers were answered like before. 
Instead, I saw how my prayers cause me to be rejected by multitudes because what God wanted to do they would turn the other direction instead of letting Him have His way. 
I found that mind boggling. How one prayer was answered exactly like I asked. One prayer was answered totally opposite. 
I thought back to this devotional I read by Joyce Meyer. It was in regards to everything works for His good. As I read it she pointed out that His good does not mean it eliminates the bad happening. It means that in that bad He is bringing good that you can’t see for His glory. Because of that in faith we can be thankful and praise Him while it is bad. 
One thing I have learned through it all is I might have many dreams and plans that God agrees with but my first obligation is to go where He tells me in faith to save souls no matter the pain I have to go through to save them. Just trust He has better to come but I got to see His work in my life not the pain of the past.


Breaking Out

Breaking Out

Life brings different adventures that await us. One of the hardest parts is to break out of what we are accustomed to and into the path we desire. We can see the experience and the opportunities shining with excitement. The kid in us prefers to reach for it in a blink of an eye. But inside are all those voices of reason that have influenced us while growing up, holding us back.

The butterfly metamorphosis is reference repeatedly in Christianity.  A caterpillar that lives in a cocoon of transformation and afterwards breaks out a beautiful butterfly. The caterpillar representing your past and the butterfly representing your new life. th (7)

In my beginning years of giving my life up to Christ, it was a story I held onto. At times, I thought I would be in the cocoon for the rest of my life.  I was convinced once I burst out of the cocoon the story was over. My beautiful wings would stretch out and I would take off into what God had. However, time has taught me the story of the butterfly is never ending and each event I get a different outlook.

Recently, God put me in a position where it seemed as if I was in a box, a cocoon you could say. At first, I did not understand until He closed doors and there I sat by myself with just me and God. A place where my finances remained at bare minimum. No work. No income except child support. A situation I was not prepared for.

Aware of what was ahead I took the measures needed to go after what the future
required, simply to come up empty. Okay, I got knocked down. I got up,
suggesting God had something else in mind.

I paid impressive money to pursue the job of my dreams. I laid all my fears down to
apply for positions I was qualify for.  Although I did not understand how I would blow
the interviewer out of their chair to declare, “Yes! She is the one.” Only to sit
three months afterwards with nothing but declining letters from companies in my hand.

This taking place during the time of year that is fun and relaxing. Summer. You know when people are on vacations. Family and friends by the pool. Sleepovers and attending late night movies.

th (9)Well, life circumstances have felt like the climate of summer. It has been hot. The only rain falling is what you produce from your eyes, called tears. When all you can look at is dirt, it creates a large amount of uncertainty in you and you grab at different possibilities. You pray, but when the answers don’t come, you answer the prayer yourself. Realizing you took a bunch of risk but nothing came from it. Then you begin the mental process of recollecting your mistakes.

If I had not spent . . . on that idea I would have . .  . more money than I do now.

               If I had managed my time better, I would be 10 more steps ahead of the idea I am working on now.

                If . . . (You fill it in.)

It’s easy to fill in our failures with “ifs” as we tear apart our worth.th (8)

Then you hear that one thing in which can only come from God alone and it reignites you. You take that small flame while carrying your failures and “ifs” and you march toward God stronger than you every have, believing there is more.

Y’all this has been my summer.

What amazes me in the process of what I regard as so awful is it took God to bring me to this point to go after my desires.

A movie that speaks encouragement to continue after my dreams is “Pursuit of Happyness”. The film with Will Smith where he lived in the slums of San Francisco and had nothing. His wife abandoned him because the situation became too much. The situation led him to find determination like he never had. It was at his lowest that caused him to chase after something so many would consider impossible.

Check out the trailer here:

When we watch movies, our emotions get so caught up in the goodness of what is transpiring that our emotions dance a lovely picture. They make us miss the aches and pains it takes to break us out of generational ways of thinking. In those desperate moments when the tears are falling, creating puddles, it can be one of the most beautiful
times in our life. A time of just you and God. Allowing God to tear down the barriers keeping you bound from a place you never imaged to be or do. A point where we give into the fear ceasing and faith arising. Grabbing faith’s hand as we consent to God pulling us up and telling us what to do.

In the comment section below share your thoughts over what your read. Here are some questions to help you get going:

Has fear ever kept you from what you desired? If so how did you overcome?

How do you handle when God has you in a summer season so you do not lose, or give up on, your faith?

Is there something God is calling you to but you remain in a box that you need to break out of? Explain.